In the end we met at those wee hours... till dawn.... sigh.... anyway, Monday blue as usual.... now at work unsure if the plan will be a good one anyway just move with the flow, hopefuly the arrangement this time work out well and smooth. Hopefully able to tie thru this crucial period of time at work. Just woke up from nap. Going back to sleep again... Feverish me.... sigh... missing him again... =( Gambeteh for my weight management.... not sure today is number which day but seems to be quite well manage except of the lack of sleep. Aries u can do it!! jia you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Almost forgotten.. watching Night at the museum 2 tomorrow with lili~~~ Looking forward yeah..........
Monday...
~*Heaventears*~5/25/2009 10:20:00 PM WeEeEeeEee.... Sunday (~_~) \ /
Little updates~~ SUNDAY!!! Surprise lo!!! Andrea ask me to Sentosa which i tot i was dreaming at first lo!! cos is like over the years i known her, when i asked her to the sentosa beach for swim she will reject me lo.... but this time she asked if i wanna go!! hahahaa..... and WE WENT of cos... my fav.... =D~~~ Nothing much to update on today actually... ohh actually suppose to meet the someone... but in the end... we didnt meet le.... sigh....
Oh Here's a few things in the list to do:
1. Hey family and friends, i need your full support!!! i am on weight management programme now!!! Don't ask me for buffet, supper and food that can make me FAT!! I am serious oh.... Don't call me spoilspot if i reject you ok... haha.... DON'T YOU DARE TO TEMPT ME!! LOL.....
2. I want to pick up medidation and yoga courses soon if possible.... think i really need it for my health....
3. Planning for a short holiday to Redang again? i love the sea there!! i missing it now.... Awwwww......
4. Stay Determine!! Perseverance!! Endurance!! For the sake of my health!!!
ok... Tired now... Off to bed....
Oh Here's a few things in the list to do:
1. Hey family and friends, i need your full support!!! i am on weight management programme now!!! Don't ask me for buffet, supper and food that can make me FAT!! I am serious oh.... Don't call me spoilspot if i reject you ok... haha.... DON'T YOU DARE TO TEMPT ME!! LOL.....
2. I want to pick up medidation and yoga courses soon if possible.... think i really need it for my health....
3. Planning for a short holiday to Redang again? i love the sea there!! i missing it now.... Awwwww......
4. Stay Determine!! Perseverance!! Endurance!! For the sake of my health!!!
ok... Tired now... Off to bed....
~*Heaventears*~5/24/2009 11:09:00 PM Quote Of The Day
Do not hide your feelings from yourself. It is only through your acknowledgment and loving embrace of them that you are able to truly let them go
~*Heaventears*~5/23/2009 12:08:00 PM Quote Of The Day
从没开始的感情，还有无限可能，一旦得到了，也许是另一回事。然而，跟他一起之后，你跟害怕失去他。失掉他，你会痛苦;有过而又失掉，比从未有过而失掉跟痛苦。你想得到他，还是想失掉他？
~*Heaventears*~5/22/2009 12:22:00 PM To those who are married... Not married ... and soon to be married...
Was reading my email and came across this, may look familiar to you in the story but sometime if can you read again, it will somehow gives you a knock on your head. To remind you what's love all about and not habit and love fades off... Cherish~~
It may be short but it really tells alot.. something to share...
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.... I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute... I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office..... Jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until deaths do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. I know how her heart could not bear to hear my last words now. I still carried her, my last one...this time with my wretched heart.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
It may be short but it really tells alot.. something to share...
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.... I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute... I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office..... Jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until deaths do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. I know how her heart could not bear to hear my last words now. I still carried her, my last one...this time with my wretched heart.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
~*Heaventears*~5/19/2009 09:06:00 AM 看了不许哭哦！！！
老公啊，我们什么时候能结婚啊？
“老公啊，我们什么时候能结婚啊？”女人一脸好奇的问，从声音分辨，她是很轻快的询问！他们在一起时间不久，两年而已，相处两年的情侣到处都是，随便就能抓出一大把，而现在的人，能有几个在交往的时候考虑结婚的？
“现在工作上也没什么突破，过两年吧！”男人轻轻柔柔道！
“哦！”没有失落亦没有兴奋，似乎预料中！
“老公啊，那假如有孩子了怎么办？”
“你有了？”男人严肃的握住女人的手，眼神犀利的盯住她！
“你抓痛我了啦！”女人喊了出来，“我是问问而已，有了我会告诉你的！”
“老婆，你记得，以我们现在并不适合要孩子，经济上也许可以不用顾忌但是心理上还无法接受，养育一个孩子不是养育一只小宠物那么简单；如果有了要告诉我，我会陪你去医院的，明白吗？”听了女人的话，男人放下心来，也柔下声音来对女人说着自己的观点！
“你放心好了啦，我不会那么不注意的，即便是有了也不会瞒你的，嘿嘿！”女人清爽的声音再度响起！但在心底，女人不知道是否该赞同男人的话，彼此工作其实都不错也算稳定；已经多次思考过，男人只是交往初期提到过结婚，而当彼此交往变得稳定后就没有涉及过婚姻；女人虽然大大咧咧但不是真的傻！其实真不知道他们之间的问题到底出在哪？是不爱吗？虽然感觉不到爱却也没感觉到哪不爱，也许是时间让彼此都沉静了！现在他们住的房子，一半是女人出钱按揭的；她习惯平衡！平日逛街，他也从来没有陪过她，她从来不觉得有什么不舒服，毕竟习惯自娱是最容易快乐的方式，这时候却想到这个动作是否也能衡量他的感情。
“老公啊，今天你陪我逛街好不好？你还从来没陪我上过街呢！”女人撒娇的说。
“忙呢！乖，怎么今天想到要我陪了？”男人漫不经心的问！
“那你要不要嘛？”
“自己去吧，要买什么自己去提款就是！”男人的眼光始终专注在文件上！
“老公，我突然想嫁给你了，怎么办？”清纯美丽的小脸上闪亮的大眼无辜的望着男人；这句话把男人的注意力拉回到她身上。男人望着眼前这个没被现实的残忍划下太多痕迹的女子，隐隐的不耐与无力！
“那张纸对你来说是什么意义？”男人放下手上的工作打算和女人好好的谈一次！
“不知道！想和你结婚跟那张纸有牵连吗？”
“你想结婚不就是想要那张纸吗？”男人牵动了下眉。
“如果你那样想也可以啦，你有没有想过和我结婚？其实也是在问你的未来有没有把我算在内！”依然是轻快的声音。
“从一开始我就是打算和你一直走下去的，你不会不明白。”男人间接的回答。
“你从来没有直接的回答过我的问题耶，不管是怎样的问题都好！”女人把声音放到很嗲；“好了啦，不跟你讨论了，免得气死我自己！嘻嘻，那我自己去逛街啦，不要你陪，哼！”话音一落，她拿起包以轻快的姿态走出房间！
身后的门一关上，原本笑意盈盈的脸瞬间沉下来，换上一脸苍白与哀愁，眸底有着让人捕捉不住的幽晦迷离！迈出脚步，缓缓的走在人潮拥挤的路上，脑子里一片空白却也塞满了思绪，一直都以为自己是很快就能过渡伤害放大欢乐的开心着，这次用尽了力气，却做不到；泪水直流！有的时候不甘愿输给命运却不得不屈服于宿命！快乐的妖精这会，不快乐！哭够了，收起眼泪扬起笑脸，冲到步行街给心爱的他选了十套西服十件衬衣十条领带十个胸针十双袜子十双鞋子，信用卡几乎被刷暴，但是她笑得看不到眼！这时候的她，又是一个精灵，能感染人的精灵！
东西太多扛不了，只好打车回去！得意洋洋的向他炫耀自己的战绩，他看到那么多的衣服，嘴角边隐隐的抽搐，看着身旁这个做事向来一鸣惊人的她不知做何反应！
“老公啊，这些都我挑的，不错吧？”看着自己挑的西服她自我陶醉，对自己的眼光她向来自信！
“老公啊，这些衣服记得已经慢慢穿哦，今天看到好看的心血来潮就帮你买了！哼，你要敢说一个不喜欢的字眼，我就让你吃不了兜着走，听到没？”插着腰威胁，故意板起那张娇滴滴的脸！
“好！我不说不喜欢，但是你买这么干什么？你怎么总是那么浪费！”男人语带指责。
“哎呀啦，老公，反正都已经买了你骂我也没用啊！你就多疼我一点也喜欢上这些衣服吧，好不好嘛？”撒娇的摇着他的手，一脸的委屈状！他回她一个无奈的眼神，揉揉她的头发；
“好好好！你呀，以后记得别这样了听到没？否则就算你撒娇我一样不饶哦！”
“恩恩恩恩！”拼命的摇晃着脑袋！
“嘿嘿．．．嬉嬉．．．”女人一直在咧着嘴傻笑个不停，男人见状亦拉开嘴笑了出来，他的女人太可爱了，和个孩子一样无忧，也有成****人的知性；有“妻”如她，还有什么不满足？他在心里也在琢磨着见家长的事，一直都不再提起结婚的事只是想给她一个惊喜，当初在一起的时候，他就下定决心娶她！
“老公啊，我这个月回家去陪我妈妈好不好？毕业到现在我都没有在家好好呆过呢，妈妈好想我了，我怕弟弟娶到的老婆欺负我妈，我要回去好好‘教育’弟弟去！”晚上的时候她楼着他，手在他身上挠着痒痒，他边逃开他的魔爪，边取笑：“你终于有良心记起妈妈啦？”
“嬉嬉，人家我可是乖乖女咧！老公，我买了明天中午的机票，这段时间你可要好好照顾自己哦！”
“原来你是有计谋的啊，我说你怎么忽然对我那么好！”男人假装凶神恶煞！
“哈哈，你装的都不像了啦！讨厌～。。。”
笑声溢满整个世界！
半个月过去，男人耐不住没有女人在身边的空寂，思念她的调皮，想念她的体温；拨通她电话，男人细声细语的磨女人赶快买票回来！电话里她清爽如银铃般的笑声回荡在整个脑海里令他眼圈犯红！
“老婆，你回来好不好？我们结婚吧！”
电话另一头刹那静如死寂！“你，不是不想娶我的吗？”沉默过后，女人轻轻的问！
“我不是不想，我是想在适当的时候给你一个惊喜，只是还是熬不过思念先说了！”男人解释着！
“嬉嬉，好啊，你等我回去好不好？”女人恢复精灵样！似乎得到了全世界一样！
继续半个月过去了，男人见女人迟迟不归，再次拨通电话；这回电话响了好久才被接起，却是女人的弟弟接的，男人询问他女人怎么还没回来，弟弟说她那里还需要处理点事，还没那么快能走开，告知很快就回，请他别挂心！
再半个月后，男人接到来自女人弟弟的电话，电话里，弟弟让他马上过他们家去，说女人有事！男人吓到了，定好机票如箭般飞奔机场！
到了x市，女人的弟弟接机，弟弟一眼就认出男人，一路沉默的把男人领到医院；不祥的预感笼罩着男人，病房门开，女人瘦弱苍白的脸震撼住男人，心猛的被狠狠的揪了一把，绞痛难耐！拖着软无力的腿，迈到紧闭双眼的女人身边，用手，轻轻的抚着那熟悉的脸颊，一下一下的抚摸着！
“姐姐胃癌晚期，拖了两个月了！”弟弟在一旁轻轻说着，女人的父母眼圈瞬间又泛红！
这个意外，真的太意外了，意外到连怎么回事都弄不清楚，意外到他感觉自己是在云端！胃癌，原来女人总是说没胃口总是不吃东西，说减肥是女人的终身事业，这一切都是借口，他责怪自己怎么就没用心去观察过；怪自己那么大意让女人独自撑着这最难熬的日子！
女人去天堂后的半个月！从女人住的那个城市寄来一封信，男人看着熟悉的字体，浑身颤抖：
亲爱的老公：
一定在想我了，是吗？一定是的，我在天堂都感觉到了呢！
老公啊，你说想和我结婚，真的好感动哦！原本以为你只是想和我在一起并
没有和我共度一生的想法！老公，谢谢你的爱！
和你在一起啊，真的是世上最幸福的事呢！每天早上醒来你都会喊手麻
，嬉嬉，知道吗？老公，这是最最感动最最记忆犹新的片刻，在家的这些日
子我都睡不着，没有你的手臂当枕头没有你的怀抱当港湾；但是我不后悔，
我不愿意你看到我被病魔折磨的不成人形的样子，我相信换你你也不会让我
看到自己痛苦的一面！老公，原谅我，以后只能在天上笑给你听了！老公啊，
一年前，我是多么希望时间能够定格，多么想永远永远都把你铭记于心底，
但是发现怎么看你都看不够，我不知道要怎么做才能让心里舒服点，我知道
你爱听我笑的声音，其实我自己也好喜欢自己的笑呢，所以就天天笑，让你
永远都记得我，是不是好自私？我怕我走了之后你把我的一切都尘封进一个
连碰都不会去触碰的角落里，我好怕，怕在那里我会冷，所以就用爱让你对
我刻骨铭心！我把每天当成最后一天来过，所以，够了，今生有你，够了！
上次帮你买的衣服袜子鞋子，你每年在我离开的那天穿上一套去看我好
不好？十套，那就是十年，十年里，你只能用十天的时间想我，在特定的那
天里，你才可以想起我也不准不想我，你知道我喜欢紫色玫瑰花，记得去找
到哦，我对我老公可是很有信心的呢！记得，一年就是那一天能穿，别的时
候不要去碰那些服装，如果你忘记了，那么在你老之后看到那些衣服，也许
能想起我的这个要求呢！嬉嬉，以后你娶老婆了，记得在那天的时候带来给
我看，但是不要告诉她我是谁，是女人都会介意的，就说．．．呃．．．就
说我是你的青梅竹马好不好？我好羡慕那些青梅竹马长大的人哦！以后你娶
老婆了，那她就是“咱老婆”，你要对咱老婆好哦，就像对我这样，因为我
在天上看着呢；虽然我会哭会吃醋，但是我更不舍得女孩子伤心；你下辈子
欠我一生，好不好？下辈子我会是一个好健康好健康的宝宝呢，到时候我会
用力用力的缠你一辈子，直到老去！
老公，我不想告诉你我爱你这个事实了，怕你哭！我只看过你哭一次，
那次我任性和你提分手；但是现在的你一定也是在哭，对吗？不只是眼睛哭，
心也在流着泪！老公啊，不要让心停格在那凄楚哀怆的瞬间，笑着面对人生，
帮我笑完今生，好吗？
从现在开始，不要悲哀不要消沉；想我只要用十年里的十天；十年后把
我从生命里彻底清除，我自私，但是我怕我的自私让你恨我；所以我就赖你
十年，就十年好不好？十年，我们就真的忘记彼此，期待来生！
已经在履行约定的傻孩子
泪滴湿了信纸，男人痛哭失声！天渐渐的暗了，黑了，窗外灯光斜射了进来，男人整理好情绪；“老婆，我记得你十年，想你用十天，来生还你一辈子！”轻轻的，对着天际呢喃
“老公啊，我们什么时候能结婚啊？”女人一脸好奇的问，从声音分辨，她是很轻快的询问！他们在一起时间不久，两年而已，相处两年的情侣到处都是，随便就能抓出一大把，而现在的人，能有几个在交往的时候考虑结婚的？
“现在工作上也没什么突破，过两年吧！”男人轻轻柔柔道！
“哦！”没有失落亦没有兴奋，似乎预料中！
“老公啊，那假如有孩子了怎么办？”
“你有了？”男人严肃的握住女人的手，眼神犀利的盯住她！
“你抓痛我了啦！”女人喊了出来，“我是问问而已，有了我会告诉你的！”
“老婆，你记得，以我们现在并不适合要孩子，经济上也许可以不用顾忌但是心理上还无法接受，养育一个孩子不是养育一只小宠物那么简单；如果有了要告诉我，我会陪你去医院的，明白吗？”听了女人的话，男人放下心来，也柔下声音来对女人说着自己的观点！
“你放心好了啦，我不会那么不注意的，即便是有了也不会瞒你的，嘿嘿！”女人清爽的声音再度响起！但在心底，女人不知道是否该赞同男人的话，彼此工作其实都不错也算稳定；已经多次思考过，男人只是交往初期提到过结婚，而当彼此交往变得稳定后就没有涉及过婚姻；女人虽然大大咧咧但不是真的傻！其实真不知道他们之间的问题到底出在哪？是不爱吗？虽然感觉不到爱却也没感觉到哪不爱，也许是时间让彼此都沉静了！现在他们住的房子，一半是女人出钱按揭的；她习惯平衡！平日逛街，他也从来没有陪过她，她从来不觉得有什么不舒服，毕竟习惯自娱是最容易快乐的方式，这时候却想到这个动作是否也能衡量他的感情。
“老公啊，今天你陪我逛街好不好？你还从来没陪我上过街呢！”女人撒娇的说。
“忙呢！乖，怎么今天想到要我陪了？”男人漫不经心的问！
“那你要不要嘛？”
“自己去吧，要买什么自己去提款就是！”男人的眼光始终专注在文件上！
“老公，我突然想嫁给你了，怎么办？”清纯美丽的小脸上闪亮的大眼无辜的望着男人；这句话把男人的注意力拉回到她身上。男人望着眼前这个没被现实的残忍划下太多痕迹的女子，隐隐的不耐与无力！
“那张纸对你来说是什么意义？”男人放下手上的工作打算和女人好好的谈一次！
“不知道！想和你结婚跟那张纸有牵连吗？”
“你想结婚不就是想要那张纸吗？”男人牵动了下眉。
“如果你那样想也可以啦，你有没有想过和我结婚？其实也是在问你的未来有没有把我算在内！”依然是轻快的声音。
“从一开始我就是打算和你一直走下去的，你不会不明白。”男人间接的回答。
“你从来没有直接的回答过我的问题耶，不管是怎样的问题都好！”女人把声音放到很嗲；“好了啦，不跟你讨论了，免得气死我自己！嘻嘻，那我自己去逛街啦，不要你陪，哼！”话音一落，她拿起包以轻快的姿态走出房间！
身后的门一关上，原本笑意盈盈的脸瞬间沉下来，换上一脸苍白与哀愁，眸底有着让人捕捉不住的幽晦迷离！迈出脚步，缓缓的走在人潮拥挤的路上，脑子里一片空白却也塞满了思绪，一直都以为自己是很快就能过渡伤害放大欢乐的开心着，这次用尽了力气，却做不到；泪水直流！有的时候不甘愿输给命运却不得不屈服于宿命！快乐的妖精这会，不快乐！哭够了，收起眼泪扬起笑脸，冲到步行街给心爱的他选了十套西服十件衬衣十条领带十个胸针十双袜子十双鞋子，信用卡几乎被刷暴，但是她笑得看不到眼！这时候的她，又是一个精灵，能感染人的精灵！
东西太多扛不了，只好打车回去！得意洋洋的向他炫耀自己的战绩，他看到那么多的衣服，嘴角边隐隐的抽搐，看着身旁这个做事向来一鸣惊人的她不知做何反应！
“老公啊，这些都我挑的，不错吧？”看着自己挑的西服她自我陶醉，对自己的眼光她向来自信！
“老公啊，这些衣服记得已经慢慢穿哦，今天看到好看的心血来潮就帮你买了！哼，你要敢说一个不喜欢的字眼，我就让你吃不了兜着走，听到没？”插着腰威胁，故意板起那张娇滴滴的脸！
“好！我不说不喜欢，但是你买这么干什么？你怎么总是那么浪费！”男人语带指责。
“哎呀啦，老公，反正都已经买了你骂我也没用啊！你就多疼我一点也喜欢上这些衣服吧，好不好嘛？”撒娇的摇着他的手，一脸的委屈状！他回她一个无奈的眼神，揉揉她的头发；
“好好好！你呀，以后记得别这样了听到没？否则就算你撒娇我一样不饶哦！”
“恩恩恩恩！”拼命的摇晃着脑袋！
“嘿嘿．．．嬉嬉．．．”女人一直在咧着嘴傻笑个不停，男人见状亦拉开嘴笑了出来，他的女人太可爱了，和个孩子一样无忧，也有成****人的知性；有“妻”如她，还有什么不满足？他在心里也在琢磨着见家长的事，一直都不再提起结婚的事只是想给她一个惊喜，当初在一起的时候，他就下定决心娶她！
“老公啊，我这个月回家去陪我妈妈好不好？毕业到现在我都没有在家好好呆过呢，妈妈好想我了，我怕弟弟娶到的老婆欺负我妈，我要回去好好‘教育’弟弟去！”晚上的时候她楼着他，手在他身上挠着痒痒，他边逃开他的魔爪，边取笑：“你终于有良心记起妈妈啦？”
“嬉嬉，人家我可是乖乖女咧！老公，我买了明天中午的机票，这段时间你可要好好照顾自己哦！”
“原来你是有计谋的啊，我说你怎么忽然对我那么好！”男人假装凶神恶煞！
“哈哈，你装的都不像了啦！讨厌～。。。”
笑声溢满整个世界！
半个月过去，男人耐不住没有女人在身边的空寂，思念她的调皮，想念她的体温；拨通她电话，男人细声细语的磨女人赶快买票回来！电话里她清爽如银铃般的笑声回荡在整个脑海里令他眼圈犯红！
“老婆，你回来好不好？我们结婚吧！”
电话另一头刹那静如死寂！“你，不是不想娶我的吗？”沉默过后，女人轻轻的问！
“我不是不想，我是想在适当的时候给你一个惊喜，只是还是熬不过思念先说了！”男人解释着！
“嬉嬉，好啊，你等我回去好不好？”女人恢复精灵样！似乎得到了全世界一样！
继续半个月过去了，男人见女人迟迟不归，再次拨通电话；这回电话响了好久才被接起，却是女人的弟弟接的，男人询问他女人怎么还没回来，弟弟说她那里还需要处理点事，还没那么快能走开，告知很快就回，请他别挂心！
再半个月后，男人接到来自女人弟弟的电话，电话里，弟弟让他马上过他们家去，说女人有事！男人吓到了，定好机票如箭般飞奔机场！
到了x市，女人的弟弟接机，弟弟一眼就认出男人，一路沉默的把男人领到医院；不祥的预感笼罩着男人，病房门开，女人瘦弱苍白的脸震撼住男人，心猛的被狠狠的揪了一把，绞痛难耐！拖着软无力的腿，迈到紧闭双眼的女人身边，用手，轻轻的抚着那熟悉的脸颊，一下一下的抚摸着！
“姐姐胃癌晚期，拖了两个月了！”弟弟在一旁轻轻说着，女人的父母眼圈瞬间又泛红！
这个意外，真的太意外了，意外到连怎么回事都弄不清楚，意外到他感觉自己是在云端！胃癌，原来女人总是说没胃口总是不吃东西，说减肥是女人的终身事业，这一切都是借口，他责怪自己怎么就没用心去观察过；怪自己那么大意让女人独自撑着这最难熬的日子！
女人去天堂后的半个月！从女人住的那个城市寄来一封信，男人看着熟悉的字体，浑身颤抖：
亲爱的老公：
一定在想我了，是吗？一定是的，我在天堂都感觉到了呢！
老公啊，你说想和我结婚，真的好感动哦！原本以为你只是想和我在一起并
没有和我共度一生的想法！老公，谢谢你的爱！
和你在一起啊，真的是世上最幸福的事呢！每天早上醒来你都会喊手麻
，嬉嬉，知道吗？老公，这是最最感动最最记忆犹新的片刻，在家的这些日
子我都睡不着，没有你的手臂当枕头没有你的怀抱当港湾；但是我不后悔，
我不愿意你看到我被病魔折磨的不成人形的样子，我相信换你你也不会让我
看到自己痛苦的一面！老公，原谅我，以后只能在天上笑给你听了！老公啊，
一年前，我是多么希望时间能够定格，多么想永远永远都把你铭记于心底，
但是发现怎么看你都看不够，我不知道要怎么做才能让心里舒服点，我知道
你爱听我笑的声音，其实我自己也好喜欢自己的笑呢，所以就天天笑，让你
永远都记得我，是不是好自私？我怕我走了之后你把我的一切都尘封进一个
连碰都不会去触碰的角落里，我好怕，怕在那里我会冷，所以就用爱让你对
我刻骨铭心！我把每天当成最后一天来过，所以，够了，今生有你，够了！
上次帮你买的衣服袜子鞋子，你每年在我离开的那天穿上一套去看我好
不好？十套，那就是十年，十年里，你只能用十天的时间想我，在特定的那
天里，你才可以想起我也不准不想我，你知道我喜欢紫色玫瑰花，记得去找
到哦，我对我老公可是很有信心的呢！记得，一年就是那一天能穿，别的时
候不要去碰那些服装，如果你忘记了，那么在你老之后看到那些衣服，也许
能想起我的这个要求呢！嬉嬉，以后你娶老婆了，记得在那天的时候带来给
我看，但是不要告诉她我是谁，是女人都会介意的，就说．．．呃．．．就
说我是你的青梅竹马好不好？我好羡慕那些青梅竹马长大的人哦！以后你娶
老婆了，那她就是“咱老婆”，你要对咱老婆好哦，就像对我这样，因为我
在天上看着呢；虽然我会哭会吃醋，但是我更不舍得女孩子伤心；你下辈子
欠我一生，好不好？下辈子我会是一个好健康好健康的宝宝呢，到时候我会
用力用力的缠你一辈子，直到老去！
老公，我不想告诉你我爱你这个事实了，怕你哭！我只看过你哭一次，
那次我任性和你提分手；但是现在的你一定也是在哭，对吗？不只是眼睛哭，
心也在流着泪！老公啊，不要让心停格在那凄楚哀怆的瞬间，笑着面对人生，
帮我笑完今生，好吗？
从现在开始，不要悲哀不要消沉；想我只要用十年里的十天；十年后把
我从生命里彻底清除，我自私，但是我怕我的自私让你恨我；所以我就赖你
十年，就十年好不好？十年，我们就真的忘记彼此，期待来生！
已经在履行约定的傻孩子
泪滴湿了信纸，男人痛哭失声！天渐渐的暗了，黑了，窗外灯光斜射了进来，男人整理好情绪；“老婆，我记得你十年，想你用十天，来生还你一辈子！”轻轻的，对着天际呢喃
~*Heaventears*~5/19/2009 08:25:00 AM 我的心好累。。
我还是没有目标在漫无目的的生活经受不了一点磨练和考验总想着就这样简简单单、平平淡淡的生活找工作的事让我很头痛我也经常在想世间为什么会有“钱”这东西人们都要为之而努力为之而奋斗有的为了钱去犯法，有的为了钱去自杀，等等钱压抑着人们有的人为钱奋斗了一生，我想他一生不一定是快乐的幸福的有的人虽然没有钱但他一生过的很开心很满足为什么要“钱”牵着我们走呢??
当我和别的有工作有事业的朋友在一起的时候总觉得自己很懦弱压力压得我好累一想到工作头就痛心里难受。一直到现在我都很天真一直认为我的一切一切都是上天安排好的事业婚姻爱情我只需要按着它的路线走。也许是这样的环境压抑了我我很想离开到一个不熟悉的环境里去去开放我的心灵。
“我现在站在人生的十字路口不知如何抉择哪条路才是通往成功的道路”
也许你们会说我们还年轻还有时间还有精力错了还可以重头再来但我感觉真的好累我们已不是从前的小孩子了可以无忧无虑的奔跑我们的心经不起折腾也许我很脆弱不够坚强。
今天我流下了眼泪这眼泪不是痛苦的不是伤心的是我压抑多年的泪水。。。心好累。。。真的好累。。。 ：~（
当我和别的有工作有事业的朋友在一起的时候总觉得自己很懦弱压力压得我好累一想到工作头就痛心里难受。一直到现在我都很天真一直认为我的一切一切都是上天安排好的事业婚姻爱情我只需要按着它的路线走。也许是这样的环境压抑了我我很想离开到一个不熟悉的环境里去去开放我的心灵。
“我现在站在人生的十字路口不知如何抉择哪条路才是通往成功的道路”
也许你们会说我们还年轻还有时间还有精力错了还可以重头再来但我感觉真的好累我们已不是从前的小孩子了可以无忧无虑的奔跑我们的心经不起折腾也许我很脆弱不够坚强。
今天我流下了眼泪这眼泪不是痛苦的不是伤心的是我压抑多年的泪水。。。心好累。。。真的好累。。。 ：~（
~*Heaventears*~5/15/2009 10:41:00 PM Blah Blah Blah...
Hmmm.... was reading what i blogged yesterday... found out that i was so in a mess... Bleahzzz.... I think i sound so scary too.... LOL..... Anyway it's Friday!! yeah so looking forward to it then tomorrow half day of work!! Shall i head down to town with my colleagues for KTV and have fun with the bunch of crazy gals? or to JB with my bro and his gf to grab some books?? Since when i become so frickle minded? =( Guess i should be joining the gals ?? Haha...
Hmm... recently i've make a new friend. Find him kinda cute la... don't know how to describe him, no doubt he may sound like a quiet person but infact he can ask you alot of questions!!! which sometime really beats me... LOL anyway first time i come across this kind of friend, glad to know him.. one day i will tell him, i appreciate him as my friend... =)
Was saying it's Friday!! Yeah It's Friday!! Haha.... HmmMmm... What should i do after work today? o_O.... i make up my mind at least for tonight i won't be cooking dinner!! Am so tired... i need more rest!!! Ok la... am going back to work now.... ZzZzzZzzZZzzzzzZzzZzzzZz
*p.s Ignore my previous post =X too scary le...*
Hmm... recently i've make a new friend. Find him kinda cute la... don't know how to describe him, no doubt he may sound like a quiet person but infact he can ask you alot of questions!!! which sometime really beats me... LOL anyway first time i come across this kind of friend, glad to know him.. one day i will tell him, i appreciate him as my friend... =)
Was saying it's Friday!! Yeah It's Friday!! Haha.... HmmMmm... What should i do after work today? o_O.... i make up my mind at least for tonight i won't be cooking dinner!! Am so tired... i need more rest!!! Ok la... am going back to work now.... ZzZzzZzzZZzzzzzZzzZzzzZz
*p.s Ignore my previous post =X too scary le...*
~*Heaventears*~5/15/2009 08:02:00 AM Sigh~
Been so long since i last last last update on my blog............................. REAL busy with my life!!! WORK WORK WORK NOTHING MORE BUT WORK!!!!! Feel like having so much to write but again don't know what to pen down...
Let's start with my work....
During my school days when comes to exam period i might caught with exam fever.... so even my work!! i was like feeling so unwell and down with cold, tummyache, stress and sometime even depression. Seriously i've been telling myself i am fine and i will be fine but actually i am not! i am SICK mentally physically and emotionally... Actually nothing should beats me down.. am sure i can do it but of course within my limits am sure. So am complaining about my work again so is it over the limits? Or am just too tired overall in my life? seriously i am doubting myself, i felt i don't understand myself even more.
Home.....
*cross my fingers* hopefully am settled with a shelter soon... after so long of running ups and down to the MP and HDB appeal of loan so on... and finally there's reply BUT something that kinda pissed me off is that bitch who broken up my family trying to be funny here!!! ARGHH if not for the sake of "give and take" for my family sake seriously i won't even want to give her an extra cents more.... i hate to curse but this time i m really cursing her without holding back anymore..... why is there such selfish ppl around i really don't understand. Over the years so much that i've gone thru due to the fact of what had happened to the family partly due to that woman and now i met her again which gave me hell like half of my life time!!! Can i KILL her? or shall i wait and see how her daughter suffer like i was before or even worse!!! I'm sorry to say this here not that i don't respect you but i really cannot tolerate this anymore.... Arghhhhhh i don't know what am i writting in here..... ok stop here.... Am very tired abt my family... i wanna feeled love.... Really!! will the day come??? am waiting still.....
Personal...
I'm a failure.... i do not know how to be happy, how to love myself more, how not to place others infront of me always, what to do then i can be happy, can i persue a dip. course soon? when can i trust someone again, have i not open my heart? When can i meet the one? Have i missed all the good ones? sigh.... cRApzZzzz....... ok i am EMO i admit.... shall stop here.... am tired.... off to bed..... hope to blog something nice coming up soon.... looking forward to my grandma's birthday coming on this Sunday... CIaoz
Let's start with my work....
During my school days when comes to exam period i might caught with exam fever.... so even my work!! i was like feeling so unwell and down with cold, tummyache, stress and sometime even depression. Seriously i've been telling myself i am fine and i will be fine but actually i am not! i am SICK mentally physically and emotionally... Actually nothing should beats me down.. am sure i can do it but of course within my limits am sure. So am complaining about my work again so is it over the limits? Or am just too tired overall in my life? seriously i am doubting myself, i felt i don't understand myself even more.
Home.....
*cross my fingers* hopefully am settled with a shelter soon... after so long of running ups and down to the MP and HDB appeal of loan so on... and finally there's reply BUT something that kinda pissed me off is that bitch who broken up my family trying to be funny here!!! ARGHH if not for the sake of "give and take" for my family sake seriously i won't even want to give her an extra cents more.... i hate to curse but this time i m really cursing her without holding back anymore..... why is there such selfish ppl around i really don't understand. Over the years so much that i've gone thru due to the fact of what had happened to the family partly due to that woman and now i met her again which gave me hell like half of my life time!!! Can i KILL her? or shall i wait and see how her daughter suffer like i was before or even worse!!! I'm sorry to say this here not that i don't respect you but i really cannot tolerate this anymore.... Arghhhhhh i don't know what am i writting in here..... ok stop here.... Am very tired abt my family... i wanna feeled love.... Really!! will the day come??? am waiting still.....
Personal...
I'm a failure.... i do not know how to be happy, how to love myself more, how not to place others infront of me always, what to do then i can be happy, can i persue a dip. course soon? when can i trust someone again, have i not open my heart? When can i meet the one? Have i missed all the good ones? sigh.... cRApzZzzz....... ok i am EMO i admit.... shall stop here.... am tired.... off to bed..... hope to blog something nice coming up soon.... looking forward to my grandma's birthday coming on this Sunday... CIaoz
~*Heaventears*~5/14/2009 10:16:00 PM Quote Of The Day
Forgiveness starts with you. When you forgive yourself for the thoughts you think about another, extending forgiveness to them becomes easy.
~*Heaventears*~5/14/2009 10:09:00 PM ♥ Broken-hearted ♥
Aries alias 天国の涙
愛が痛い
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Learn to Rollerblade
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Anntonii
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junkai
joyce
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